Narcissistic Abuse and the Confusion It Leaves Behind
If you’ve been in a relationship where you often questioned your own reality, felt constantly unsure of yourself, or walked on eggshells without knowing why—you might have experienced narcissistic abuse.
Many people don’t realise what’s happening until long after the relationship ends. It often doesn’t look like “abuse” in the way we’ve been taught to imagine it. There may be no shouting, no visible harm. Instead, it’s subtle and slow. It wears down your confidence and sense of self over time.
So what is narcissistic abuse?
Narcissistic abuse isn’t defined by one single act. It’s a pattern of behaviours—often repeated and cyclical—that can include emotional, psychological, and sometimes even physical abuse. It may happen in romantic relationships, families, workplaces, or friendships.
These patterns often involve:
Gaslighting (making you doubt your memory or perception)
Silent treatment or emotional withdrawal as punishment
Love-bombing followed by coldness or devaluation
Blame-shifting, where you’re made to feel at fault for everything
Minimising your feelings—telling you you’re “too sensitive” or “overreacting”
Because this behaviour is often mixed with moments of affection or kindness, it can be deeply confusing. You may cling to those good moments, while doubting your instinct that something isn’t right.
Why does it feel so confusing?
One of the most common things I hear from survivors is:
“I don’t even know what happened—I just feel like I lost myself.”
And that makes complete sense. Narcissistic abuse can leave you in a constant state of emotional tension and self-doubt. You might:
Second-guess your thoughts and decisions
Struggle to explain the relationship—even to yourself
Feel disconnected from your own emotions
Worry that you were the one at fault
This confusion isn’t a flaw—it’s a survival response. When someone repeatedly distorts your experience or denies your reality, it’s natural to adapt by questioning your own truth.
You’re not broken—you adapted
What you’re feeling now—the confusion, the fog, the disorientation—was your mind’s way of coping in a situation that didn’t feel safe. You learned how to protect yourself in a world that kept shifting beneath your feet.
In therapy, you don’t need to have everything figured out. We can start wherever you are—with your questions, your uncertainty, or just a sense that something wasn’t right.
Together, we can begin to untangle what happened, reclaim your clarity, and reconnect with the parts of you that may have been silenced along the way.
