What is gaslighting? Signs and how it affects you
You may have come across the term “gaslighting” and wondered whether it applies to your experience.
It’s often used to describe a form of emotional or psychological manipulation—but in reality, it can feel much more subtle and confusing than the word itself suggests.
Many people don’t recognise it while it’s happening. Instead, they notice its effects: confusion, self-doubt, and a growing uncertainty about what’s real.
What is gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a pattern of interaction where your thoughts, feelings, or perceptions are repeatedly questioned, dismissed, or distorted.
Over time, this can make it difficult to trust your own experience.
It doesn’t always involve obvious or direct statements. In many cases, it happens gradually, through small moments that leave you feeling unsure.
Signs of gaslighting
You begin to doubt your own memory or perception
You might feel certain about something in the moment, but later find yourself questioning it.
You may hear things like:
“That didn’t happen”
“You’re remembering it wrong”
“You’re overreacting”
Over time, this can lead to a loss of confidence in your own understanding of events.
You feel confused after conversations
You might leave interactions feeling unsettled, unsure of what just happened, or questioning your reaction.
This confusion can build over time, making it harder to stay grounded in your own perspective.
You find yourself apologising often
Even when you’re not entirely sure what you’ve done wrong, you may feel the need to apologise.
Taking responsibility can sometimes feel like the easiest way to reduce tension, even if it doesn’t fully feel accurate.
You rely more on the other person’s version of events
Instead of trusting your own interpretation, you might start to defer to the other person’s perspective.
You may think:
“Maybe they’re right”
“Maybe I misunderstood”
This can gradually shift your sense of what feels real or valid.
You feel less like yourself
Over time, gaslighting can affect your confidence, clarity, and sense of self.
You might feel:
unsure of your thoughts
hesitant to express yourself
disconnected from how you used to feel
Why it can be hard to recognise
Gaslighting doesn’t always happen in obvious or extreme ways.
It can be mixed with moments of care, closeness, or reassurance, which makes it harder to identify. You might question whether it’s “serious enough” or whether you’re interpreting things correctly.
This uncertainty is often part of the experience.
The impact it can have
Over time, gaslighting can lead to:
ongoing self-doubt
confusion about what’s real
difficulty trusting your own feelings
emotional exhaustion
These effects don’t mean there’s something wrong with you—they often reflect the impact of the dynamic itself.
It’s okay to trust your experience
You don’t need to have a perfect explanation for what’s happening in order to take your experience seriously.
If something consistently leaves you feeling confused, unsure, or disconnected from yourself, that matters.
